Capture Your Grief: Day 26. Gratitude

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There are things I do not understand in this life.  And it would be easy to focus solely on the things that brought pain.  But I’d be missing out on so much.  I get tired and I get frustrated like everyone.  Just tonight I was in Pilates and was very disappointed that I wasn’t able to do everything and couldn’t keep up with the younger, thinner girls. I know I’m older and overweight–and parts of my body creak and pop.  I get frustrated that getting pregnant is not easy for me– fertility drugs don’t really help your self-esteem!  But in the end, I am thankful that I can move.  I can run and I show up even when I’m slow.  And this body is the one that created that beautiful life and carried her safely for 42 weeks.  And I am truly grateful for that.

I’m grateful for my family and friends. The ones who support me, pick me up, check in, make me laugh, slow down to run with me. I imagine that dealing with me is not an easy chore at times.  I’m blessed they stick with me.

I’m grateful for the other moms in this club. I wish they weren’t here with me, but I look up to so many of them.  They persevere.  And the love so deeply.  They are remarkable women (the dads in the club are pretty amazing too).

I’m grateful for the people at the hospitals where Zoey and I were treated. I’ve talked about them before but they continue to amaze me.

I’m grateful for my pets.  They make me laugh (when they aren’t busy destroying things).  And they bring me peace.

I’m grateful for my mom and grandma who taught me to be strong.  To survive.  To love.

I’m grateful for my husband.  Sweet and loving.  He supports me and believes in me.  And he makes me laugh (but don’t tell him that– he’ll get a big head).  We created the most beautiful child.  He’s a great father to her.

And every day I’m grateful that I got to be Zoey’s mom.  I’m grateful for the time we spent with her.  It was all worth it.

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