Capture Your Grief: Day 8. Wish List

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I wish that my blue-eyed princess would be remembered.  That when someone walks past her brick at the Zoo, they stop and wonder who she is.  I wish when people think of her, they remember the lessons of unconditional love she provided.  The lessons of hope.

I wish my family and friends knew how much I appreciate their support.  How they’ve helped me keep my head above water. How it makes my heart smile when they mention her name.

For my husband, I wish he knew how my heart would flutter when I saw him and Zoey together.  And how thankful I am that he gave himself to loving her completely and without reservation.  For us: I wish we’d continue to grow together.  I don’t know what our future holds, but I know we’re stronger together.

For the other moms who are in this club with me, I wish you knew how you’ve helped me get through.  I wish we weren’t in this together, but you all are beautiful, extraordinary women.  Whether I met your children or not, I hold them in my heart. And I hold you there too—because you’ve all taught me about resilience – and more importantly about never ceasing love and devotion.  You’ve shown me you can still mother your children  And I wish I could take your pain from you, but since I can’t I just wish you knew how amazing you are and what amazing moms you are.

For myself, I wish to remain hopeful. I wish to channel this sadness into something good.  I wish to help those who helped me along the way.  I wish to honor my daughter by making the world just a little brighter even in tiny ways.

For my daughter: I wish you’re somewhere more beautiful than I can begin to imagine.  That you and your friends are having the best slumber party. I wish my dad makes you giggle at his silly jokes and that Grandma Ring is making you French Toast. I wish you’d keep coloring the sky each night so I can think of you.  And I wish you’d send me signs to let me know you’re happy.  And I wish that when you look down on us, you’re proud of your mommy and daddy.

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