Day 5: Journal

5

I write because sometimes it’s the only way to express how I’m feeling without my thoughts wandering too far.  When I try to talk, I get distracted or sad or scared and I stop.  When I write it down, I can walk away. I can come back.  I feel more open when I write.  I’m not worried about being judged on what I’m saying.  I can put on paper what I don’t have the words to say out loud.  Today my thoughts are in a million places. They are with my amazing friends who honored Zoey today on their runs– but I want to save them for another day.  They’re with Joe who just left on a work trip again.  Leaving me in the house alone and leaving him alone in a hotel room.  And alone feels different now.  And my thoughts, as always, are with Zoey. With how much I miss her. How I ache for her.  But it’s a beautiful day and I’m going for a walk so I can feel the sun on my face and the breeze on my cheek and wonder if it’s her sending me a kiss.

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