Everyone is there the first few days. But then people go home and back to life. Their normal life full of work and soccer games and grocery shopping. And the truth is you don’t really need anyone but your closest circle there the first few days. Because you don’t even really know they are. You can’t see them through the fog. It’s later. When your broken heart is bleeding but you feel like no one is there to apply pressure. I am lucky. I have strong circles of support. Joe. Family. An amazing set of friends, including my FUT18 moms and other “club” moms. These people hold me up, check on me, send their love and most importantly love and remember Zoey. But grief can still be a very isolating experience. No matter how many people surround you and how wonderful they are, at some point you will look around and think everyone has forgotten you. I think it’s just part of the process.
It can be difficult to seek support even when you desperately need it. You don’t want to seem weak. You don’t want to feel judged. But this is a hard path and sometimes you should not travel it alone. If you, or someone you know, needs support after the loss of a baby, seek out a Share support group. I’ve heard good things about the Compassionate Friends, but do not have firsthand knowledge. You can also check with your local churches and hospitals. I am actively involved with BJC Hospice and they offer a variety of healing retreats, workshops and programs for moms, couples, siblings and communities affected by loss. I’ve appreciated some of the blogs/stories I’ve found at Still Standing. However, my word of warning: I have found on-line support groups to be more damaging than healing. Maybe they are right for someone else. But they were not the right choice for me. If you go that route, be cautious and be okay with leaving them if you feel it isn’t the right place for you.
It might take a few tries, but you’ll find your way to a place that feels supportive and healing.
Share: Pregnancy and Infant Loss support http://nationalshare.org/
Compassionate Friends: Supporting Families after the loss of a child https://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx
Still Standing Magazine: blogs and stories from other loss parents: http://stillstandingmag.com/
BJC Grief support: http://www.bjchospice.org/griefsupport