The pure excitement of pregnancy was lost the moment the ultrasound tech saw something was wrong. And I know that even if we are able to have more children, the naive feeling that everything is fine is gone. There will be fear. Fear that it could happen again. That we could lose again. I know it’s worth it—because I know the love I have for Zoey. But I also know the pain.
Uncomplicated, unrestricted joy. It’s gone. Yes, I still feel happiness. I still feel joy, but there’s always a catch. There’s always a little guilt. At least a little sadness. Knowing she should be here. Knowing things would be so different if she was here. And knowing how quickly it all can be lost.