Over the last year I’ve taken part in a few projects aimed at healing my broken heart-if even just a little bit. Today is another one. I found the August 19th Day of Hope prayer flag project. A prayer flag is a tradition in Tibet. It’s a piece of material often inscribed with mantras, prayers, messages, poems or names. The belief is that once the Prayer Flag is hung, the breeze takes the prayers and carries them all over the world. They are meant to spread good will and compassion everywhere.
I created a prayer flag honoring Zoey. As I’ve said before, our version of hope changed many times over her life and now that she’s passed. I still hope for her story to be told. I hope for people to say her name. I hope others remember her and all the other little ones lost. I hope to find peace and joy again.
I wanted to create something with things that reminded me of her. A chance to tell her story again. Obviously an anchor had to be included.
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul firm and secure.
The strips of fabric all have meaning as well. I’ll start from the bottom.
Zebra print: Reminds me of the Zoo where we celebrated Zoey’s life. She also has a memorial brick there.
Sparkly blue: I like to picture her at the beach, tiny toes in the sand, watching the way the water glistens as the sun hits it.
Pink polka dots: My weighted Zoey bear has a pink and white polka dot bow.
Fabric from my wedding dress: One of my favorite pictures of Zoey has her wrapped in my wedding dress (the one I wore at the Zoo at our wedding reception). She looks like a little angel in it. When we knew we were getting those photos taken, I searched everywhere I could think of for the flowers I wore in my hair that day so she could have those with her too.
Rainbow: Hope for finding our rainbow. I don’t know what form that will come. Rainbows are beauty after the storm. I see the storm as losing her. I don’t know if it’s in the cards for us to have a “rainbow baby” but I know there has to be beauty left in this life for us. Maybe it’s another child, maybe a house on the beach. Maybe it’s just finding peace.
Owl and Butterfly: In memory of Evey and Hattie. Zoey’s friends. I send prayers for their families for peace and strength. And I hope those three beautiful girls are together. Laughing and playing and watching over us.
Sea turtle: we placed Zoey’s ashes in biodegradable sea turtles urns. It is my hope that when we visit the ocean that I feel her presence.
Kitty cat: My cat, Cece, slept on my belly while I was pregnant and also with Zoey and me in our recliner after she came home with us. I was worried about how Cece would react to Zoey when we brought her home, but she was not phased. Cece often curled up on Zoey’s things: her blankets, her boppy pillow. There are so many pictures of Zoey that also have Cece in them. I like to think they were buddies. And Cece watched over and protected her.
Pink flowers: There’s a flower called a spider plant. My great-grandmother grew them at her house. They always remind me of her and the great love I have for her. There’s just something about a day at grandma’s house that makes the world a little better. We took Zoey to a local park and came across those flowers so I have a picture of her with them. And now she’s with my great-grandmother. I hope Zoey is hearing about the days I spent with my great-grandma. How she’d make me French toast and fried chicken whenever I wanted. How we’d walk to the park and always stop at the little ice cream shop on the way home for a chocolate dipped cone.
Mickey Mouse: I felt an overwhelming need to go to Disney World when I was pregnant with Zoey. I wanted her to feel the magic. And I ran the Disney Princess race in her memory and will do so again this year. It’s one little way I feel I can keep saying her name and do something in her memory.
Blue fabric: Her eyes. Those beautiful, piercing blue eyes. The ones that said so much without a word.